Friday, October 23, 2015

Reluctance


I have been remiss--not saying 'thank you' in a timely way for your messages of concern and sympathy in the loss of Nellie-Cat.
I am not dealing very well with his disappearance.
I make no claims to clairvoyance--indeed wouldn't want that dubious gift--but I admit that without good reason, I felt strongly from the first moment when I called him to 'tea time'--and he didn't appear, that I wouldn't see my dear boy again.
Still, hope dies hard.
I would have him back--battered, dirty, hungry, maybe even missing an ear, an eye, a leg--if he could be returned to me I would take care of him.

How could I guess as he lay stretched beside me in the half light of early morning, my fingers lightly stroking his long fur, feeling him purr beneath my hand--how could I suspect it would be the last time I would touch him or know his presence?

I have hoped that I could write a sequel in which Nellie reappeared, came home again.
I have thus far been thwarted in even knowing with surety what carried him away without a trace.
I have walked the edges of the brook, nearly dry in its rocky bed; I have tramped along the roadside, up and down the lane, ventured up the steep ridge track, gone into the woods beyond the stable--hoping for some sign that would indicate his end, gruesome though it would surely be.
I have quartered the big pasture, eyes straining for a tuft of fur--any trace.

There is to be no happy ending, apparently no discovery that will help to draw a line under Nellie's disappearance.
I am bereft--but I feel enfolded by the kindness of your words left on my page, the letters which have arrived at my inbox.
Those of us who love animals have a bond of compassion, of shared sorrow when there is a loss.
Thank you for once again being with me in a sad time.

12 comments:

  1. I wish there was a happy ending to this Sharon. I so wish it had been one of the barn cats, who aren't so part of you. I wish you knew what had happened and had closure. There's an old saying though, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. I do hope you get to the facts behind his loss though, just so you could draw a line under it and move on. You are very much in my thoughts, as ever.

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    1. Jennie; Your letters have been a comfort. I would feel badly for the loss of any animal in my care, but I could have parted less painfully with several of the barn cats.

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  2. Oh dear Sharon ~ My heart aches for you with the loss of Nellie.

    Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

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    1. Rainey; We just do hurt for others in these circumstances. I know that "Tork" must be a gentle companion to your busy days.

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  3. I couldn't comment on the last post as I too was so upset for you.
    Don't give up hope, my friend who takes in cats had one appear 6 months after disappearing and another lady who lives around the corner had hers return after several weeks. But all the same I feel for you so deeply as I know how my heart would ache if any of mine were lost.
    Hugs to you and fingers crossed.
    Briony
    x

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    1. Briony; I know that feeling! I, too, have read through tear-blurred eyes when my blog friends report the loss of a pet.

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  4. We always hope for a happy ending even when we know it's not possible. Still they live on in our hearts and dreams.

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    1. Janet; these creatures do 'live on' in a sense. Paging through old photo albums always stirs memories of the pets who have been with us through the years.

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  5. The "not knowing" must be agony. Sending you love and best wishes.

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    1. Kath; It seems I can't quit searching for clues! I vacuumed around the cat door which leads downstairs to the laundry area--felt that I was surely removing a last trace of Nellie's fur.

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  6. I hope that you may still have a happy ending or at least closure. As with Briony' s friend I had one of my cats return after several months. I just opened the door one morning and there she was thin and bedraggled but alive.. To this day I have no idea where she'd been.

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    1. Rowan; I have had that 'happy ending' only once--I counted up the cats who have gone missing over the decades--I think nine--and only one came back. The other disappearances have remained unsolved mysteries.

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